Avoiding Male Relational Dread by having Constructive Conversations

Constructive conversations | Counselling Brisbane If you want to remind yourself what this series is about then go here, here and here. Male relational dread sounds like a disease. But thankfully its not. Improving communication and having constructive conversations with your husband or partner can be as simple as laying down some rules and having some agreed upon expectations. Here are a number of things you can do to increase the chances of having deep and meaningful’s or even having conversations.

Remember to start constructive conversations with a soft startup. Instead of launching into what he is not doing, what promises he is breaking, or even how he behaves, start by giving gentle strokes and suggestions. Men ain’t soft or need special sensitive treatment. You don’t need to treat them with kid gloves, but you do need to treat them with respect. If a conversation needs to be had then you both need to set some rules around that and agree to do them.

Just like women, men are looking for connection too. The intentions for men are meaningful and honest but when it feels like we are being cornered we push back and resist. Not intentionally but more instinctively. Its like a vortex opens up and we are at risk of getting sucked into the emotional and unpredictable (in our minds) world of the female world. One way of preventing him from falling back into old ways is tell him you want to discuss something important but then ask when is a good time to do so. It also helps to give him fair warning of what it is you want to raise. To many men it looks like you are asking for constructive conversations which is more appealing and safe.

Here is how constructive conversations might look. “Honey I know your mum wants to come and stay for Christmas and I wonder if we could find some time to talk about it. I know it can be a tricky topic but I would like to discuss some expectations around it, OK?” “When would be a good time?” When there is a clear path ahead and we know the topic, understand the reasons for the conversation and, most importantly, we see that it is not about us then we are more likely to come to the party.

Don’t mix up the conversation with other topics. This is a no-no for any couple that is having communication issues. Remind him that it is only a discussion and no solutions have to be found. At least not at that moment. You are both now in a position to hear each other and know the landscape. Remember if it looks like he is going to be reminded of his shortfalls then you are wasting yours and his time. Relationship counselling rooms are full of these stories.

If you do find that every conversation that has to be had ends in a fight then maybe its time to get some outside assistance. Having a third party present can and often does enable you to both have constructive and productive chats about serious stuff.