It’s the trend that matters in establishing the direction for your relationship.
So, you are trying to change some behaviour. Perhaps you are struggling in your relationship with arguing and fighting. Maybe you have an addiction or rather a habit you want to break, such as alcohol or gambling. You try and try but you see no change. It is very natural to become disheartened and lose hope when you can’t seem to break the cycle.
When trying to change poor behaviour, and you experience a slip, you automatically look at the behaviour at that moment, and if you are like the rest of us you want to give up because, after all, looking at that point alone gives no hope. You fall over, do something stupid. A regrettable incident happens. You are frustrated with the lack of change or rather the perception that nothing is getting any better.
But there is hope. Think of that moment as a point on a graph. All you see is that point, but take a minute and look at the bigger picture, look at the trend line. Where is it going? Once the whole picture is considered are things getting better, getting worse or no change. Looking at the big picture and seeing the trend helps establish where you are, not how (who?) you are. If you are determined to change, then start again at the most recent incident, today’s slip up, yesterday’s mistake. Make it your integrity day. Can you push out the binge drinking just one day, then 2 days then, a week? Can you resist the temptation to surf the porn sites just another day? With some real commitment set a goal and aim for it. Then if you are making a genuine effort you will see the regrettable incidences as points on a graph. When we focus in on these points things look bad. But when we look at the trend line we regain hope and strength to keep going?
Yes, it’s true that if the trend is poor then you have more work to do. But more often there is a clear trend in the right direction. Don’t lose sight of the overall trend. Keep aiming for the goal and stay encouraged. Make the adjustments where necessary and crowd out the undesirable behaviour.
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“Day after day the same old thing. Nothing seems to change but when I look back everything is different”.