Relationship counselling - Brisbane counseling

Bring back that loving’ feeling

A prerequisite for a healthy marriage is a healthy sex life. Sex is of course not the aim of a good marriage but it is something necessary to keep the relationship alive and thriving. The power of an intimate connection with your partner cannot be denied. When we are intimate with our partner in a sexual way we are creating a bond. This bond carries a lot of meaning and significance. It sets us apart from all other people. It binds us together and it strengthens the marriage covenant. Sex deepens our relationship and it is the ultimate expression of love that two people can give each other.

Sometimes however, life gets in the way and the intimacy and connection we once found so easily and readily available to us goes walkabout. The mundane takes over and passion and romance suffer. Once passion is lost it can be hard to rediscover it. And often we think, quite falsely, that it will never return.  So how do you put the passion back into your relationship? Sex is often the first thing that comes to mind when you mention the word ‘Passion’. And why not? Good sex is most often described as passionate.

If you are struggling in the passion department with your relationship then here are some ways to bring it back. You cannot have real genuine passion without a genuine connection. And to foster that connection you need intimacy. So in order to create real intimacy you must first cultivate an emotional connection.

Passion is like a garden bed. Everything that goes into it must be good for the soil. Good emotional connection is like the seeds you sow and intimacy and touch is like the water needs to grow the passion. Good emotional connection always involves using positive language to make requests of each other. So start talking about your feelings and needs in a positive way. “I am feeling lonely right now and need a hug”, is a positive request. Make only those request that you know your partner can deliver on.

On the physical side of things passion grows by touch and touch creates intimacy so linger on the goodbye kiss, the soft rub on the back and eye contact. Try doubling the length of time doing these things and see what comes up. Finally for passion to grow you must change it up, hold hands longer, be the initiator, create anticipation and be kind. Be attentive and curious about your partners wants and desires and what pleasure means to them.

As Gottman says “everything positive you do in your relationship is foreplay.”