Two people are dancing on the dance floor, grooving to the music. Your initial thought is that they are dancing together, and that would be reasonable given that they are up there at the same time in the same space.
Perhaps while they dance their bodies touch, even momentarily confirming your belief. However, if you take a closer look they are actually moving and grooving independently of each other.
Last time, we chatted about the common reasons for intimacy problems in a relationship. If you haven’t read it yet, you can check it out here. Today, we talk about how we can begin restoring intimacy in your relationship.
When emotional distance has become a habit, you increase the likelihood of relationship breakdown. The risk of not opening up is far greater than the risk of being honest. Resolving intimacy issues very often requires both people to be open, honest, considerate and non-judgemental. It also requires vulnerability. Let’s get started.
A lot of men have intimacy problems because they have been taught to believe that vulnerability is a weakness; that men must be strong and in control. This perceived need for men to hide any weakness can interfere with their ability to experience real closeness. But intimacy always involves some degree of vulnerability.
Intimacy is emotional closeness when two people are able to be open with one another and reveal their true feeling, thoughts, fear and desires. It is more than just touching, kissing, holding hands or having sex. But this can only occur when both parties are genuinely trusting of one another and feel able to take the risk of being vulnerable. Intimacy is a universal human need; without it we experience loneliness. And this lack of intimacy is one of the most common reasons for the breakdown of relationships.
Everybody feels sad from time to time. Sometimes that sadness is darker and deeper, usually morphing from one to the other when something horrible has happened. But the depression I’m talking about is more than just feeling sad. It is feeling sad… and helpless… and hopeless… and miserable… and numb more intensely and for longer periods of time than those who are sad, often without apparent reason. Nothing seems worth the energy it requires.
Are you currently concerned about the mental health of a friend or family member?
Whether or not you know much about mental illness, someone in your life has probably experienced mental illness in some form or another. At least 20 percent of adults aged 16-85 are affected by mental illness every year with anxiety disorders being the most common, followed by depression.
Have you found yourself excessively organizing and making lists? Or procrastinating and avoiding situations in which you might fail? Perhaps you’re a perfectionist.
And sorry to break it to you, but that’s not necessarily a good thing.
Perfectionism is the relentless striving for extremely high standards for yourself and others. This might sound good in the context of work or study, but really what it leads to is judging your self-worth based on the ability to achieve such unrelating goals. This causes distress, low self-esteem and symptoms of mental illness. Ouch!
As the new year gets underway we all get busy doing life and forget we made those new year’s resolutions. Sometimes we succeed at keeping those pledges and other times, well, we all know what often happens. Lose weight, start exercising, go to the gym, stop eating crap. And on and on it goes.
What about instead of making a better you, make a better relationship? In the process of improving your relationship, you will improve yourself.
A prerequisite for a healthy marriage is a healthy sex life. Sex is of course not the aim of a good marriage but it is something necessary to keep the relationship alive and thriving. The power of an intimate connection with your partner cannot be denied. When we are intimate with our partner in a sexual way we are creating a bond. This bond carries a lot of meaning and significance. It sets us apart from all other people. It binds us together and it strengthens the marriage covenant. Sex deepens our relationship and it is the ultimate expression of love that two people can give each other.
So, you are trying to change some behaviour. Perhaps you are struggling in your relationship with arguing and fighting. Maybe you have an addiction or rather a habit you want to break, such as alcohol or gambling. You try and try but you see no change. It is very natural to become disheartened and lose hope when you can’t seem to break the cycle.
If you are like the rest of us you will probably take the “avoid challenges in my life” approach rather than welcome them. After all, what is a challenge in your relationship other than an inconvenience? So, to avoid them follow these instructions: Sit perfectly still on your cough for the remainder of your (now rather sad) life and wait for the end of it. Even then, as you wait you’ll probably run into a few uncomfortable and really unavoidable relationship challenges.