Slow love and establishing a long-term commitment– the case for a slow relationship in a fast-paced world
You’ve heard of the slow food movement – the belief that food grown slowly and handled with care will be altogether more nutritious and delicious. Well, the same could be said for relationships – slowing down in the quest for a long-term commitment will produce a better outcome every time.
These days people are so quick to hook up, so quick to go “she’s hot” or “he’s hot” without bothering to find a deeper connection. I see a lot of couple’s who have met online and are trying to keep their relationship from turning to mud in their first year together.
Young people want to race into things so quickly and they can’t see the heartache awaiting them when they do. What often happens is that they’ll say ‘‘well I’m living here, you’re living there, let’s live together… Now we’re a couple…. let’s make our home a bit better and buy some furniture …and let’s get a pet.”
So they’ve bought all these things and they’re sailing along pretending (“it must be good because ’we’ve got a dog and a cat together!”) but they haven’t actually spent any time at all working on their relationship or their expectations about going forward. What happens is a lot of people get trapped in that and they don’t know how to get out of it.
So it’s worth investing that precious time in the early stages – date someone first, get to know them slowly, work on the relationship because it might save heartbreak in the future. People need to ask themselves: “Is there a long-term commitment required here”? A mistake many people make is that they are looking for a partner on the surface, especially on dating apps “– it’s all he’s hot, she’s hot… she’s having a great life so she must be fun …”
Sure, that person might look good but hey the proof’s in the pudding. There has to be something deeper. How do you find that deeper level with someone – go on dates, talk, go back to conversation. You go home from the date and think about that person. Stay off social media and invest the time to talk with each other.
You want to make sure that that person you’re investing your time into is the right person – because 10 or 15 years is a long time in the wrong relationship. I see couples who’ve met online a lot and I often see people in the first 12 months of a relationship where the wheels are starting to come off. When they meet online, more often than not, they haven’t taken the time to talk to that person, or gotten to know that person.
There are online success stories, definitely, but for every success there’s at least a dozen that’s a failure. Value time, don’t waste it, because it will save a lot of heartache in the long run. Ask yourself the question: “Am I prepared to make a long-term commitment with this person”? If the answer is no then respectful tell them and move on. And for those who want to know how to meet the right person in the first place; Be a nice person. Because if you’re superficial, that’s what you’re going to attract.