The dance of a relationship
Two people are dancing on the dance floor, grooving to the music. Your initial thought is that they are dancing together, and that would be reasonable given that they are up there at the same time in the same space.
Perhaps while they dance their bodies touch, even momentarily confirming your belief. However, if you take a closer look they are actually moving and grooving independently of each other.
You might even think they are dancing to different music.
And so it is with uncoordinated relationships. Allow me to explain. Two people living together but independently. Sharing some stuff but not themselves.
Being in each other’s space but not really working together. “You do you and I’ll do me”. Or a variation on that theme.
So back to the dance floor. What looks like dancing together is actually two individuals flailing around in the same vicinity as each other. Self-centric movement, no rhythm, none needed, no coordination, none required.
This is of course perfectively fine……sometimes. But it is often disastrous in a committed relationship.
Now take the Tango, a Waltz or any other choreographed couples dance and it’s a beautiful thing. Here you must move together in step, side by side. It’s elegant, rhythmic and sexy. Above all its collaborative. It requires cooperation and grace.
A good dance represents a great marriage. Lead, follow, follow, lead, give, take, take and give. It’s not my dance, it’s not yours, it’s ours. And in this dance, we have the expectation that we cooperate, the anticipation of rhythm, the taking of responsibility and the grace to forgive a misstep.
Sure, you can dance alone sometimes and there’s nothing wrong with that. But dancing together can look and feel a whole lot better if two are committed to the process and allowing themselves to go with the rhythm.
So if marriage is like a dance then it is your duty to make it a good one.
Go learn some dance steps.