Men and women: Like Waffles and Spaghetti Part 2

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Navigating the world of communication waffles and spaghetti. Last time I explained the difference between men and women in terms of a waffles and spaghetti analogy. You can view that post here. In regard to better couples communication and discussion outcomes, the aim should always be to connect first. Intimacy is created out of better connection and whatever follows from there is created out of intimacy.


For the men reading this, if she is wanting to talk about some things then your job is to listen first. Check in with her, ask her about her day and so on. The main objective is to connect with her on an emotional level and show empathy for what’s going on in her world. Identifying with her situation demonstrates care and love and that you are there for her.

When you engage on this level you get a better appreciation of the spaghetti reference and why it is so important to understand. It then helps you appreciate context and how everything is interconnected. If you are able to hold this space you will be able to help her unravel some of the issues going on for her and she in turn feels valued and understood.

So, context is to her what opportunity is to you, the male. The context will always influence her decisions and behaviour in a way that is different to you. If you think things and events can be taken in isolation then recognise that she sees the opposite. Imagine the context is the hub of a wheel and the spokes are all the other events in her world. But for men we often only see the wheel.

Speaking of wheels, when you see a flat tyre you automatically know that it will affect the driving of the car. But you know that. Your focus is now just on the wheel and the wheel only. Once it is fixed everything is fixed. But that is not how she sees events and situations. All other things must be considered like, the passengers in the car, the safety, the drivability and so on. You only see a tyre that needs to be repaired. So, keep in mind context and you should see a different way of communicating emerge.